It's not a secret that I have trouble being calm at all times, or at any time at all. I am not naturally a very calm person. Don't giggle...that might be an understatement. But at least I know it's true. And I have been working on it. Working really hard actually. A few months ago my primary care doctor (whom I love) prescribed me some medicine for times that I really can't calm myself down. She said they are really just like heavy benadryl or something. She ordered me twelve and said that if I needed to use more than that we would try a daily pill. I still have twelve. I have been trying my hardest to find other ways to calm down. And before I go on another sentence I have to say that if you need to use medicine and your doctor has prescribed it, you need to use it and I would too. I don't think for one minute that anxiety should be ignored or that it's something you can "fix" by yourself. I will use the medicine as soon as I need to. I don't mean to say you shouldn't or I shouldn't. What am I saying, you may ask? I am saying I have been feeling great.
So great that today I did something I am usually very anxious about. I went somewhere for the first time, by myself, knowing I was walking into a big group of strangers. It's the group part of things that makes me nervous. I have avoided a lot of things and missed wonderful opportunities because I was too nervous, made myself sick, or got too scared to actually get out of the car once I got there. Today I drove to my fitness center, parked, got out of the car, and walked into a yoga class. Without any friends. Without knowing if I would be the only beginner. Without knowing if there would be twenty people or fifty. I just did it.
I wish I could tell you that it was simple and easy for me once I got there. It wasn't. But it was enjoyable. And I did finally relax. And I will do it again. And that's huge for me. One small step for man; one giant leap for nervous wannabe yoga students everywhere. My favorite part was when I was supposed to clear my mind of any stresses. I was supposed to acknowledge the stress on the inhale, and make the stresses leave on the exhale. I couldn't picture any stresses except the stress of getting to the class and staying. I pictured that one. Realized I was there. Exhaled. And enjoyed 45 minutes of yoga.
Here's to facing my fears in 2012.
Oh, and here is my supermodel dog posing with my very favorite new laptop bag. My cute mother-in-law bought it for my new job. I love it!