Wednesday, June 1, 2011


I think I was trying to decide whether I should transfer colleges (for the billionth time) when Sister # 1, after hearing my reasoning both ways for the 79th time sighed and compassionately (and probably a little bit annoyed) turned to me and said, “I think that you think you are going to make a decision and it’s going to be like opening a door and balloons flying out and confetti spraying and you will feel like, ‘YES! This was the RIGHT decision!’ or the opposite, you think you will open that door and there will be darkness and ‘duhn duhn duhn’ music saying ‘Wow, you really screwed that up!’ It’s not like that. You make a decision and it’s good and it’s bad and you make it work.” Okay, that’s not an exact quote, but that’s pretty much what she said. Sister #1, I apologize for quoting you incorrectly, but I think I’m close.

I think that I overthink everything. And I know you are probably rolling your eyes and thinking that is the most dramatic understatement yet. I remember sitting in a class in fourth grade and learning about metaphysical thinking…or, as our teacher described it, “thinking about your thinking.” This was the worst thing someone could teach me because since that day I haven’t stopped. I annoy myself (and probably a lot of people closest to me) with thinking about why I should or shouldn’t think something, do something, or change something. It’s exhausting.

Today was a pretty big day for me. A change happened to me. In one of my other blogs I talked about how sometimes things don’t just happen, but how you can make things happen for you, not just to you. Well, this was one of those things that kinda happened to me. I think the way I reacted was my part of making sure things happen for me. But more than anything, it made me realize again that we aren’t always in control of everything (duh, right?), but that we are in control of how we react to these situations.

I started thinking back over the past few months and year. I thought of every decision I had made or been in the process of making, and how it led up to this or didn’t lead up to this. And I was driving back from the dentist and thinking about what Sister #1 had said (and yes, thinking about my thinking), and no joke, the song “This” by Hootie started playing.

There’s a part of me that will always love Hootie. I know, his name is Darius Rucker but to me he will always be Hootie. Today I felt a huge connection. And now I am listening to this on repeat as I finish working for the day.

I hope you all have a wonderful day and all your decisions end with a door opening and confetti flying out at you. But for me, today, it might just be one of those times that I am thankful and happy with making a non-decision…with deciding that I don’t have to decide (and thinking about why I am thinking this way today) J

I don't really know how I got here
But I'm so glad that I did
And it's crazy to think that one little thing
Could have changed all of it
Maybe it didn't turn out like I planned
Maybe thats why I'm such, such a lucky man

For every stoplight I didn't make
Every chance I did or I didn't take
All the nights I went too far
All the girls that broke my heart
All the doors that I had to close
All the things I knew but I didn't know
Thank God for all I missed
Cause it led me here to this

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